2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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