so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
