so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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