it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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