Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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