i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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