I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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