Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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