I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i would one night stand the shit outta him
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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