I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
