youre lurking in front of me
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
This is my gift to your gina
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
