Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I can text with my tongue
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
