I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
