I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I smell like Dick and happiness
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