tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I need moral support for this bender
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Dick very happy bro
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
