I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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