so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
