were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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