The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
so much tequila, so little girl.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I need to align my fucking chakras
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
