Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
