woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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