I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
