Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
