I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
