my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
