I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
it was like eating out sand paper
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize