I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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