If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
