Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
