Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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