I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
