Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
