Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
