I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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