a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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