Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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