this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
