dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
