he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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