Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
