Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
