I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
did i just pee glitter
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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