fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
