from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I smell stomach acid.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
