So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
