from now on my penis is your penis
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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