did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
