We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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