Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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