its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
