i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
