OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
