Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
