So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
someone owes me an orgasm
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
