Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
